It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
