i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
