new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
