Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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