I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
