you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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