I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
