Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
