So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
