im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
