I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
