I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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