his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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