my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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