Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
