i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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