Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
