i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
