she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
