Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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