I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
