Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
