Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
