there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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