my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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