I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
