I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
