I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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