that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
