If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
