Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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