I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
