he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
