JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
