I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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