Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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