My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
