girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
