I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
