we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
