Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
