Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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