I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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