What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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