booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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