I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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