I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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