So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
