She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize