You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
