I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
