Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
