see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
