Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize