a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
