o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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