college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
