last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
