If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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