I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We just shotgunned beers for America
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
