I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
