Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
