I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
