My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
