I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
