trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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