Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
