I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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