Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
