There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You smell like stripper and shame
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
