It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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