sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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